


Vignettes from the Olden Days of Thomas

by ochotonidae



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (brief) - Freeform, (remus), Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, Body Horror, Frogs, Gay, Gen, Hugs, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Panic Attacks, Sad Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Theft, Touch-Starved Morality | Patton Sanders, but he doesn't get them :(, hunger, i guess?, idk how to phrase it, it's mild, lying to parents, mention of school getting rid of kids' creativity ig?, mentions of fire, not really tho, starvation mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:22:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27143086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ochotonidae/pseuds/ochotonidae
Summary: A collection of oneshots, all centered around Thomas's sides when he was a kid!They will have different names/titles (e.g., Janus = Lying), and most of this will just be my headcanons for things that they went through.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	1. Tupperware and Wooden Swords

Lying slipped through the cracks in the mindscape, darting through shadows like it was second nature. Given how often this routine happened, it almost was. At some point or another, he reached his destination: the Commons.

Sleep was the only one supposed to be awake at that time, making sure Thomas wouldn’t have nightmares. Sometimes Prince would help him, but he was usually too tired from a day in the Imagination to help make Thomas’s dreams. Rules had a strict ‘in bed at nine pm’ policy that the main sides never even questioned, so it made sense that Lying would be alone in the Commons for as long as he needed. Right?

He climbed up on the countertop, reaching out with a pair of hands to steady himself and using the other four to rummage through the cupboards. Fear had been pestering him about food for the past week, whispering worries of starvation to Thomas since before that. It wasn’t _Lying’s_ fault that they were out of food. The Mindscape didn’t seem to understand that they weren’t welcome with the main sides - and by extension, the Commons; and made them need to eat at least a little bit to survive. Fortunately, Duke didn’t seem to care. He was sort of a weird gray area (of course, if you asked _Lying_ , everyone was gray) with the rest of the sides, so he’d pop into their area every now and then. He’d team up with Fear though, making a storm of thoughts so strong that Lying couldn’t even think of trying to press it down.

The growing stack of Tupperwares beside him crashed to the floor, making a sound so loud that it rang through his brain even far after it had ended. Lying flinched, abandoning his search to melt into the shadows in the corner of the kitchen as footsteps thundered down the stairs.

Two hands were pressed firmly over his mouth, another two hugging his chest protectively and the last pair wringing themselves out. Two sides entered the room, the first pointing a wooden sword at every nook and cranny. Lying went completely still when it landed on him, but the side’s vision skated across him.

Curiosity frowned, eyes scanning the Commons as he slowly picked up the Tupperwares and returned them to their places in the cupboards. Prince shot a glare at every shadow he saw, narrowing his eyes for the last time before straightening.

“They didn’t fall on their own.” Curiosity cocked his head, adjusting his glasses. He wore that tie that Thomas’s Mom always made him wear on picture day, knotted awkwardly and off-centre. Lying itched to wave a hand and have the tie become perfect, clean and sharp around Curiosity’s neck. But that would rat him out, and he could not deal with the main sides at this time.

“Is it one of the Others?” Prince asked, yawning loudly as if to punctuate his question.

“I don’t know.” Curiosity chewed at his thumbnail. “But Rules will probably get mad at us if we stay up any longer.” Prince groaned, dropping his weight onto Curiosity dramatically.

“He’s so _boring_.” he complained, but followed the other side back up the stairs to their respective rooms.

Lying let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, and stepped back out into the open. With slow breaths, he carefully collected the Tupperwares from the cupboard and snuck away.

As soon as he reappeared in their little area of the Mindscape, Fear’s arms latched around his chest, nearly cutting off his circulation.

“Dinner.” Lying let himself smile as Duke and Fear both grinned, picking up a container of spaghetti and splitting it three ways.

“They didn’t catch you, right?” Fear whispered, still clutching Lying’s hand. He nodded. “Of course not. We’re safe, little spider.”


	2. Criminals and Hugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe that's why Patton gives such good hugs?

Rules pulled his cardigan tighter around himself, hoping that it would at least resemble a hug. It didn’t.

He didn’t _mean_ to make the others mad when he parroted Thomas’s parents’ rules. He knew the others didn’t like them much, but he couldn’t help it. They had to do what they were told, without complaint. Those were the rules.

But they all treated him like _he_ was the one making those rules and ruining their fun. He so desperately wanted them to see that he _wanted_ Thomas to be happy, but going against his parents’ or teacher’s word was almost like breaking the law. Thomas would be a criminal.

Rules didn’t want him to be a criminal. He was the best person in the whole wide world. So that meant that he followed the rules.

Curiosity, Prince, and Duke were currently out with Thomas, catching frogs in the pond behind their backyard. Rules knew that they should probably stop, that Thomas was getting his shoes all muddy and clothes wet and germs on his hands, but he couldn’t bring himself to face all of their disappointed looks. They’d frown at him, and Prince would say ‘Why do you always have to ruin the fun?’, and Curiosity would nod and agree, and Duke would stick his tongue out and nudge him not-so-nicely on the way out.

A tear fell from his cheek, landing on his pants and leaving a dark stain. That’s all he was, wasn’t it. A stain that the others couldn’t rub away. So they just put up with him.

Rules let out a sob, pulling his knees close to his chest and curling up underneath his blanket. He clutched the frog stuffie like his life depended on it - Prince had made it for him one day, when he offhandedly mentioned he liked frogs. Rules treasured it.

It fueled a tiny spark of hope in his chest: maybe the other sides didn’t completely hate him. Maybe they could like him one day. Maybe even give him a hug?

Gosh, Rules wanted a hug so badly. He knew he’d never get one, but he could dream. Warmth surrounding him on all sides, the smell of someone else - Prince smelled like vanilla and cinnamon, Curiosity like old books and libraries, and the others- well, Rules had never gotten close enough to know.

Maybe the other side would talk to him, whisper reassurances in his ear as they hugged him. Maybe they’d cradle his head, hugging him tight enough to banish every worry in the world. Maybe they would press a kiss to his forehead when everything was too much, and simply hold him, safe, in their arms.

Just maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my headcanon (and you can have a different one) is that Patton started off as just an embodiment of Thomas's parents' rules, because he didn't have much of a sense of right and wrong back then (as kids do). As he grew up, he started to become more and more independent, and Patton took on more 'parent' roles (dad jokes, kindness, encouragement) until he became who we know.
> 
> Kinda unrelated but in this headcanon, _Patton did not cause the Split_. Creativity developed as two from almost the very beginning, long before Patton had enough power to do anything like that.


	3. Gay? No, it can't be.

It was Learning who’d voiced the concern first. That was followed by a near-panic attack of Paranoia and then, chaos.

Prince had welcomed the notion, immediately recognizing that Thomas’s feelings for his classmate Nico were of the romantic type. He cheered at the prospect of rescuing his very own damoiseau from the tower, the concept far outweighing any rational thought. Duke followed shortly after, equipped with a plethora of nasty jokes that would make Principles retch.

Learning was muttering words underneath his breath, a constant stream of thoughts and conclusions with the little that he knew about emotions. He was scribbling in a notebook - one well-worn and filled with what looked to be notes and musings about the very topic.

Paranoia was exuding panic in waves; getting too close would bring about the striking black eyeshadow on any side. He was mouthing something, but it was barely audible. Every now and then, a word would stand out - spoken in his double voice - and the rest of the sides would shudder simultaneously and try to ignore him.

Principles objected - torn between sides. That wasn’t okay. It wasn’t natural. Thomas was supposed to just be a normal boy. This was strange, and wrong, and couldn’t be true. But it was him. And deep down, Principles knew that Thomas wasn’t a creep or any less human than Mom and Dad. He was perfect. And if it was true - well, then it must be okay.

And Self-Preservation? Well, he was desperately pressing any and all concerns from the other sides down, whispering reassurances to Thomas as he barely quashed their yells.

But maybe - just maybe, it was all going to be okay. It was okay that Thomas was gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's so short, I just wanted to get the idea out.  
>  ~~Ignoring that there will be no consistent timeline in this,~~ the names are a bit different (since it's later in Thomas's life than the first two).   
> Principles = Patton  
> Learning = Logan  
> Paranoia = Virgil  
> Self-Preservation = Janus


	4. Frogs and Gifts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmmmmm i dunno about this one :/  
> eh imma post it anyways

Prince glanced over at Rules as he stared in awe around at the Imagination. The side’s eyes were wide, looking around like he’d never get to come back.

They both paused at a small pond. It was one of the first things Prince had ever dreamed up, when he was barely a child. It still held a special place in his heart to this day.

He paused in hesitation when Rules bent down, biting back an exclamation. But Rules simply laid his hand carefully in the water, letting out a small squeal when a frog that Prince hadn’t noticed hopped onto his hand.

Rules stood up, spinning around to meet Prince’s eyes with a bright grin.

“Thank you,” he breathed, eyes glossy.

“I- you’re welcome. It’s really fine, don’t worry. I take Curiosity here all the time.” Prince wanted to show him that it really wasn’t a big deal, but Rules’s face fell slightly, and he nodded.

Prince was suddenly overcome by a wave of discomfort, shifting on his feet. Pointing awkwardly to the creature in Rules’s hands, he asked: “Um, so you like frogs?”

Rules immediately perked up, nodding. “They’re just so cute!” he bounced up and down on the balls of his feet, patting the frog gently and tensing up soon after.

“Sorry, was that weird or-?” “No, really. Don’t worry about it.” Prince tried to smile in reassurance. “You’re cool.”

Rules nodded slightly, setting the frog down on a rock before jerking up automatically. “Sorry! Thomas needs me!” he disappeared with an apology, and Prince was left slightly confused.

Rules was supposed to be the one with all the logic and stuff. He was supposed to be the one that kept all of them in line, but he wasn’t acting like their parents now. Mom and Dad didn’t get excited about frogs. But Rules did. Rules got excited about small animals and pretty leaves and cool-shaped rocks. Prince didn’t think that was bad, but Rules seemed to have the opposite opinion.

An idea was sparking in Prince’s head, and he smiled.

*

Prince carefully laid the plushie outside Rules’s door. He knew he could have just waved it into existence, but it felt more personal when Prince sewed things himself. He was rather proud of this one, too.

It was a frog, pale mint green with spots of light blue and a cream underbelly. Prince had used small buttons for the eyes and filled it with rice to give it some weight.

He backed away, a smile blooming on his face as he imagined Rules grinning and laughing.

Rules hugged the frog tight.

“Thank you. So much,” he whispered into the air. And he could have sworn he heard a “You’re welcome,” echo back to him.


	5. Fidgeting and Names

Prince was the first one to have the idea - almost obviously, as he was the less suppressed Creativity. Even at this age, he knew that. He’d seen how Duke was weak every other time they fought, only skin and bone but still full of spirit.

He’d been mumbling quietly to himself as he fiddled with a fidget cube, bored out of his mind ever since Thomas had started middle school. Every day for hours at a time, he’d be forced to just wait — wait for it to be over, and then you can do whatever you want, Prince.

But the random stream of words in his mind came to a staggering halt, as one plucked itself out from the crowd and almost materialized in front of him.

Name.

He should have a name.

He’d have to pick one that matched with Duke, of course that was evident. They were two halves of a whole. Prince couldn’t leave him behind. It would be regal, fitting for a king but also easy to say, since Self-Preservation had a little bit of a lisp.

Prince frowned in thought, tapping his fingers on the desk. Ro-Prince summoned a leaf of parchment and a quill, writing down the alphabet and pondering each letter.

Roman worked his way through the letters, finding himself particularly drawn to ‘R’. Prince paused as a melody rang through his mind, grabbing a sheet of staff paper and jotting it down.

Pri-Roman quickly turned his attention back to the task at hand. Roman blinked slowly as he registered the change.

Roman. RomanRomanRoman. He liked it. It felt right.

Roman Prince Sanders.


	6. Memories and Names

Duke knew his place. He knew the rest of them tried to pretend that he wasn’t being actively pressed down by Thomas and the Mindscape. He knew that Roman was the good half. They weren’t kids anymore, anyways.

He almost remembered what it was like to be whole: a hazy blurriness of happiness, the faint buzzing of what might have been warmth? Duke only knew warmth from lighting his hands on fire, but he supposed that didn’t really count, since that was more a sizzling and bubbling feeling underneath his skin.

He remembered Thomas’s parents sighing fondly as he scribbled on sheet after sheet of paper, an endless stream of artistic energy, coupled with babbling a melody and kicking his feet along with the music in the background.

Duke, however he may look, is and was not an idiot. He could tell how Self-Preservation would flinch away from him when he spoke, slowly moving away as he tried to find a graceful out from the situation. And that was the kindest response to his contributions.

Paranoia would outright leave if Duke was in the room — and to be honest, he couldn't blame him. Principles would attempt to kindly (bless his soul) shush Duke, but it would never work. Learning had yet to have a conversation with him — and Duke would rather it that way. He didn't want to deal with logic.

But Pr-Roman. He hated Duke, that was for sure. He thought that Duke was horrible and wrong and bad and-

Duke knew that he wasn’t the evil twin. No, it was a lot worse than that. He was the neglected twin, the twin left behind to rot in the shadows and dust, the one they’d use to make the other seem so much better.

Even the Subconscious did it. Duke could see the difference between him and the other sides, how he was shorter and scrawnier and his ribs could be counted and he tripped on every other step.

But Duke was stuck as the unloved one. The ignored one. The loser to Roman’s winner. The Remus to his Romulus.

Remus. He was Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place pretty much right after Roman comes up with his name.


	7. Eyeshadow and Math Projects

Fear was different. Something was wrong. The feeling had made itself present soon after Thomas started middle school.

For one, eyeshadow had started to make itself known beneath his eyes. Every time he’d get heated, he was struck with a distinct shiver underneath his eyes, dark shadows creeping lower. Self-Preservation had inspected it for a few moments before shrugging and turning away.

“I’m not your dad, why would I know?” he had said, not unkindly, but Fear had flinched, retreating quickly.

Something was different. Fear wasn’t just… _Fear_ anymore.

He found himself with a lot more control over the Mindscape than he’d ever had before; accidentally sending Thomas into panics whenever someone whispered behind him or laughed - thinking they were making fun of him. He’d nearly screech whenever there was a noise behind him, resorting to huddling in his room for the whole day.

Not-Fear was simply getting a little stronger, now that Thomas was old enough to have actual things to worry about, that was all. Right?

But soon enough, it changed. It could have been sudden, or gradual, over a couple years — Not-Fear couldn’t tell. All he knew was that he realized on a cool winter day, the week before winter break.

Thomas had accidentally left his binder at home, and along with it, an important math project that was due that day. Not-Fear was freaking out, face streaked with eyeshadow and voice layered and gruff.

Self-Preservation was only just holding him back from sending Thomas into a panic, their Host feeling strangely disconnected from the anxiety. Unfortunately, that had some side effects.

Not-Fear couldn’t breathe. His heart was pounding and he couldn’t breathe and he was going to die-! His hands were trembling, nails digging into his palms as he desperately tried to quiet his whimpers.

He couldn’t feel how Self-Preservation softly whispered to him, threading his fingers through his hair, almost frantically trying to calm him down.

Not-Fear took a shuddering breath. It wasn’t like it used to be. He was different.

He was _Paranoia_.


	8. Homework and Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other sides are bad at helping Thomas with his issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it's been a long time and I don't really have an excuse but have this ig  
> this was written in a very short amount of time so call me out for any mistakes please

Self-Preservation pursed his lips, narrowing his eyes as he watched Thomas fumble over his words, Principles desperately trying to rectify the situation and dig them out of the hole they’d made.

Thomas had missed one too many homework deadlines, and his seventh grade teacher had apparently had enough, and emailed Thomas’s mother about it. Principles was simultaneously scolding Thomas and stumbling over an explanation (of which there wasn’t one, Thomas had been playing video games). Learning was with him, every now and then injecting arguments that were a little bit better than Principles’ into Thomas’s speech. And Paranoia was behind both of them, exuding such a miasma of panic that even Self-Preservation felt anxious.

He stepped forwards, nodding to Principles and Learning as he forcefully grabbed ahold of Thomas’s train of thought. Principles tried to scold him, but quickly fell silent when Learning stepped aside without a fight.

 _“You got caught up with reading the almanac your mother gave you for your birthday. It’s very intriguing. Your homework was less of a priority because you already know how to do the work, but you’ll do your best to make sure it doesn’t happen again,”_ Self-Preservation whispered, watching as Thomas parroted it with the perfect puppy-dog eyes at his mother.

They all watched with bated breath, a chorus of sighs when Thomas’s mother let him go with only an _“Alright, I suppose it’s educational; but this can’t happen again”_.

Self-Preservation spun on his heel, shooting a condescending smirk towards Principles before disappearing into the shadows; and with him, Paranoia.

He chuckled.

“Those idiots don’t know what they’re doing.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if there's a mistake or something offensive, and I'll do my best to fix it!
> 
> Thank you for reading, all feedback is appreciated!


End file.
